reasons to recover????

Reasons to recover from my eating disorder:

1. To have a real sense of well-being

2. discover my energy, and my passion for life

3. Have a sense of inner peace instead of constant battles in my head

4. Energy to do the things that I love including painting, and drawing

5. be healthy, instead of having my hair falling out and always being exhausted

6. Look healthier, no longer have everyone comment on how unhealthy and sick I look

7. Spend more time with friends and make more friends rather than isolate myself

8. Relax and enjoy being with my friends/family instead of thinking constantly about food/weight

9. Discover my inner strength, and find out all that I can do without ED

10. Find my hopes and dreams again, for I can do so much without ED, when I am healthy

11. Rediscover my spirit and who I really am

12. Become closer to God and strengthen my spirituality

13. Work towards real achievements in life, not only always wanting to lose weight

14. Discover my self-worth, and that it is not defined by a number on a scale

15. I can appreciate the beauty of the world around me

16. I can stop pretending all the time, and really be ME

17. Be able to wear a bathing suit out in public and have a good time, rather than obsessing

18. Live LIFE and not have it revolve around food/weight/exercise

19. I can concentrate on schoolwork and other important things in life

20. I can stop constantly comparing myself to others, and just be satisfied being me

21. Have the ability to ENJOY food and enjoy eating it

22. Because being skinny won’t solve your problems, but being strong enough to conquer them will

23. the costs involved in staying ill are seriously high and money should be spent on better more fun things

24. you can actually find clothes that FIT and are comfortable and that you actually FEEL good in

25. being able to get what you want when you go out to dinner and enjoy it

26. to LIVE not to just simply exist

27. because real beauty is on the inside, not in outward appearances

28. because I want to be able to have real FUN

29. so that I can learn how to SMILE again J

30. so I stop worrying the people around me

31. because being healthy is so much better, not being always sick with a cold or some virus

32. to be able to have real conversations that don’t involve food or weight

33. so things won’t trigger so much anymore

34. because I want to have healthy, strong teeth for my smile

35. because I’m tired of being freezing all the time

36. because I am worth so much more than a number on a scale or the size of my clothes

37. so I don’t get osteoporosis at a young age

38. Because regular food tastes sooo much better than diet foods

39. Because I want to wake up in the morning with ENERGY and ready to face the day, not tired and dreading it

40. So that the first thing to do in the morning wouldnt be running to the scales to meassure your worth, but to actually look in the mirror and love yourself for who you are

41. Stop worrying about what others think of me, and just what I think of myself

42. Because it's nice waking up and thinking about what you're going to do that day rather than think about what you're going to eat that day.

43. So people will trust me again

44. Because I want to feel GOOD not dizzy and like shit all the time

45. So that I can sleep and feel rested

46. So that I can help others in the future

47. so that I can wear clothes that FIT not baggy clothes to hide in

48. So i don't waste anymore money and food

49. So i can have children of my own someday

50. Because life is for living not for suffering and struggling through...

51. so that i can stop having to come up with excuses and just be truthful

52. so that i can exercise for fun not to lose weight

53. So i can feel worthful not worthless

54. so i can be HEALTHY :)

55. to think that my life has worth again

56. To never miss good times because I'm too insecure to go out.

57. So that I can enjoy myself in public without feeling as though everyone's looking at me.

58. I dont want to feel worthless, useless, a failure

59. I dont want my mood that day to be determined by what the scale says..or even have to look at the scale.

60. to think i look good regardless of what i ate that day.

61. To feel normal!

62. To be able to enjoy myself at holidays/parties/family events and stuff without wondering what they're thinking or worrying about the food or what i eat

63. I Can share my experience to inspire others.

64. I can have a real relationship

66. I can trust again

67. i am able to stop my behaviors for healthy ones

68 I can go out to dinner with people without being afraid.

69. I am much stronger, and healthy,

70. working on a lot off things with my counselor

72. I can open up, and stop pretending to smile all the time.

73. I can sing and play the piano now.

74. I am happier overall.

75. I am more vibrant

76. I am willing to keep trying when i mess up.

77. I WANT to stay OUT of fucking treatment

78. to be an inspiration to others that are struggling

79. to think about MORE than food or my weight

80. to have good relationships with people

81. to stay in school and graduate

82. have real relationships that aren't based on ED

83.to think clearly and not have ED fogging up my thoughts in my head

84. to have REAL energy

85. I don't want to be anemic anymore or have other medical issues

86. to feel good about taking care of myself

87. to exercise for fun and because it's good for me not because ED tells me to do so

88. to know who I am and be happy with WHO I am

89. to trust myself, and be able to trust others too

90. to accept myself and at a healthy weight

91. to really care about myself

92. to acheive true happiness and well being

93. to truly feel connected with other people

94. to be okay with asking for help sometimes

95. to be independent and make all of my own decisions, not have them made for me by anyone else (treatment teams, family etc.)

96. to be able to make GOOD decisions not ones that are filled with ED's influence

97. to fill my life with meaningful things that make me happy

98. to be a positive role model to others, especially others who are struggling

99. to be a success, at recovery and at other things too

100. to prove everyone who said I can't do this WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

101. Because nobody is perfect so why try to be????

102. I want my life to be about the aweosme things i can do/places i can go....and be proud of the places i can go, not having life be about treatment/treatment centers/what treatment center i'm going to/been to whether i'm going back to treatment....

103. So i'm not always in a bad mood from being so hungry

104. So that if i have a craving for something I can enjoy it rather than wishing i could or rather than looking at pics of it or rather than being scared of it...

105. So that I can occasionally indulge myself in treats/something i want

106. So i can feel less guilty

107. So that if i'm in a hurry or want it or something I can actually eat at a fast food place or restaurant and not feel so guilty or scared or avoid it alltogether

108. Because honesty is soooooo much better than the manipulation and lies...

109. to be able to forgive myself and others...

110. Because I am NOT a failure no matter how much i may think i am sometimes....

111. to earn respect....to respect myself and to earn respect from others

112.So i can live longer....

113. to be able to sleep at night

114. so i have hair and it doesn't keep falling out and causing bald spots

115. no longer be consumed by irrational thoughts

116. because i should like food...especially ice cream...and pb and banana and honey quesadillas.....hehehe

117. To give others HOPE just by having lived through it and recovered and by sharing my story...

118. so i don't feel so isolated and alone

119. being able to accept that people DO care and love me

120. because mirrors are stupid and you shouldn't spend so much time in front of them....How about more time doing something i LOVE like painting

121. So i can paint and not have such shaky hands

122. to make new friends.....and friends outside of treatment *though the friends i've met through treatment and recovery are AMAZING and some of the most amazing people ever*

123. becuase people really aren't judging you as much as you think they are...you're your harshest critic...

124. because i CAN

125. to prove anyone who says it's impossible wrong...

126. because "you look like SHIT" or "you look awful" or just utter silence and stares at people seeing you should NOT be considered a compliment or achievement....

127. Because lying to everyone and saying "i'm fine really" all the time when you clearly are NOT fine is not a way to live

128. to reunite with people (and not have them freak out at your appearance)

129. because ym goals should revolve around the future and things i can accomplish...NOT of what BMI/weight you want to get to next....

130. because I NEVER want to have to walk around again with an embarrassing stupid feeding tube up my nose and get stares/comments/whispers from people...

131. to stop feeling only pain and move on

132. to stop having so much physical pain every day from malnutrition

133. to stop waking up at night scared because you feel like crap again and your heart is racing and wondering when to go to the ER or if you will wake up in the morning

134. because electrolyte imbalances are NOT fun and are dangerous and make you feel like crap

135. to go shopping and be able to find stuff that fits and is cute....and NOT to have to shop in the kids section at 21 years old...because that is just NOT natural or right

136. because i have come to far to give up

137. Because I deserve better....FOR ME

138. because being truly happy is awesome....and faking it is not nearly as awesome....

139. because a real smile is genuine and beautiful...fake smiles are NOT the same

140. because i am unique :) there is no one else like me

141. so i can truly help others someday

142. becuase counting calories gets old and is a waste of math skills....there's so much more you can be doing with your mind....and plus if you're not eating enough you can't think clearly anyways.

143. not to have to lie when people ask you how you are, and that you can honestly say you are doing well :)

144. because being covered in bruises from malnutrition is not attractive and hiding them is hard, and people can stop asking questions about it

145. to live and act in the present...not keep saying "I'll do it tomorrrow" or "i'll do better tomorrow" or "i'll start recovery tomorrow"

146. because it is a real medical condition and it does deserve treatment and recovery

147. to be able to really accept compliments without thinking people are lying or pitying you

148. being able to say "i overcame it"

149. so the good days outnumber the bad

150. to fight for those who did not make it :(

151. To make those who love me proud....Instead of having them constantly worry and fear

152. to be and feel real

153. to let others in and stop pushing everyone away

154. to be able to enjoy a day at the beach

155. because people definitely DO get sick of hearing about eating disorders/food/calories/weight all the time and so that you can carry on a real conversation with a REAL topic not having to do with ED

156. because having people hate you for it or misunderstand it is so annoying

157. because most people will never understand and it's hard to explain it to them

158. to see your TRUE and BEAUTIFUL self

159. so i can look good and healthy instead of like shit

160. because a number should not definine you or make up your whole day

161. because being pale and gaunt looking and having dark circles under your eyes is NOT attractive at all and people tend to stare

162. to be able to spend a day shopping or out with friends and not be so exhausted you can't move afterwards or you pass out afterwards

163. because fainting is not fun and can be scary :(

164. because being freezing all the time sucks and you DO get stares when you wear sweatshirts and baggy pangs all summer

165. to not judge a day on what you weigh or what you ate

166. to not have to constantly explain yourself...

167. to not think of food 24/7 honestly...it's NOT normal to do so

168. because grocery shopping should not cause panic

169. because honestly destroying yourself doesn't make you any different or more like what you want to be

170. to be able to love againr

171. because people worrying gets old

172. because regular is so much better than diet

173. because i want to focus on other things

174. Because i want my own kids and a family someday

175. because throwing up is never fun....

176. to have less secrets

177. I want to eat a fucking chocolate bar and enjoy it!!

178. because drinking ensure/boost/CIB SUCKS real food is so much betterrrrrr

179. to not have to know the calorie content of everything and not freak out if i don't know it exactly

180. to be able to wear nice clothes and clothes I WANT to wear

181. To be able to wear fun dresses

182. to be with my family and not worry about what they think/say about me

183. to know what it's like to be HEALTHY and feel GOOD not like shit all the time

184. I do'nt want to have osteoporosis in my 20's

185. to have people stop thinking i'm crazy lol....

186. To be able to sleep without the serious insomnia

187. SO my story can have a good and happy ending, not a sad one

188. to have REAL control not imagined control

189. because being able to celebrate your birthday with cake is so much better and more fun

190. Because I am worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!